in For_All

Every single day, in many homes close to yours there is a stay-at-home mom who struggles to face all the emotional challenges that come with this role. And yet too many times we prefer to ignore it. To avoid talking about it. To make it a topic that we don’t talk about.

But here is the truth: No matter if we talk about it or not, this is a reality in many families! And the fact that we don’t talk about this reality only makes it harder for the moms who are struggling with it.

Our society keeps promoting this idealistic picture of what being a stay-at-home mom looks like. We only talk about the blessing of being a stay-at-home mom. About the luck to afford it. About the huge joy of spending a lot of time with the kids.

And sometimes this makes more harm than good.

Picturing SAHM life like this hurts both stay-at-home moms and working moms. On one hand, it makes many working moms feel guilty that they are not able to spend so much time with their kids. On the other hand, it makes many stay-at-home moms feel like they don’t have the right to complain because they are already so “lucky and privileged”.

And even worse, it determines many people to undervalue the huge work and contribution that stay-at-home moms bring to their families and to the society.

So many people think that being a stay-at-home mom is like having an endless vacation and that it’s great that you “don’t have to work”.  I keep hearing people telling stay-at-home moms how lucky they are that they don’t have to do anything all day. Or that they get to choose whatever schedule they want every day, without having a job or a boss.

If a stay-at-home mom complains about the real struggles that she faces she is often reminded about the blessing of spending all day with her kids as if this would make all the other hard things disappear.

At some point, it even gets to feel inappropriate to complain or talk about the hard challenges of being a SAHM. It almost feels like complaining makes you a bad mom because you are not “capable” to enjoy the blessing of spending so much time with your kids.

But a mom can love her kids with all her heart and treasure the time she spends with them and still feel like it’s very hard to be a stay-at-home mom.